Friday, January 26, 2001

So the Superbowl is this weekend, and from all accounts, it will be a low-scoring affair. Most of the Superbowls in recent years have been relatively boring, and when you have a couple of teams that could threaten to keep the score at 0-0 into the fourth quarter... well, everybody likes kick returns, right? I think this thing where the Superbowl is always held down south is a big mistake. You want to see how tough these players are? Have 'em play in Soldier Field with a snowstorm raging around them! If you think AstroTurf is hard, try frozen turf! The winner would be the team with the most players left standing at the end.

I don't care who wins, and because I live in Canada, I don't even get to see all the nifty new commercials either. The Ravens will probably win, even though I'd hate to see that thug Ray Lewis with a Superbowl ring. The half-time show - whoever thought that putting Aerosmith and N'Sync on the same stage was a good idea needs to be taken out back and shot. Let's think about this for a second - who's the demographic here? Who's the anticipated audience for the Superbowl? Males aged 18-60, right? So how many of those males are N'Sync fans? Five? Six, maybe? What the hell happened here, anyway? Was Yanni unavailable? Let's get John Tesh on the phone, see if he wants to do the gig too. Maybe the producers are hoping Britney Spears will join her boyfriend onstage and start doing that stripper dancing routine she's so enthusiastic about. That would get males aged 18-60 to pay attention. Hell, let's just cut to the chase, skip the middlemen, and just pack the stage with porn stars! The passions of the Great American Male: football, beer, and porn!

Yeah, you're laughing now, but wait a few years. We're slowly making our way to that scenario, believe me.


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